Children - Friday Funny

{DISCLAIMER - I copied and pasted this from an email so please forgive the inconsistent formatting and varied fonts}

GOD CREATED CHILDREN 

(AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own, grandchildren,nieces,
nephews, or students...
here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that
even God's omnipotence did not extend
to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was 
" DON'T !" 
"Don't what ? " 
Adam replied. 

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."
God said.  

"Forbidden fruit  ? 
We have forbidden fruit ? 
Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! "

" No Way ! " 
"Yes way ! " 

"Do NOT eat the fruit  ! "
said God. 

"Why ? " 
"Because I am your Father and I said so ! "
God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped
creation after making the elephants

A few minutes later,  
God saw His children having an apple break
and He was ticked  ! 
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit ? "
God asked.
"Uh huh,"
Adam replied. 

"Then why did you  ? "
said the Father. 

"I don't know,"
said Eve.
"She started it  ! "
Adam said. 

"Did not  ! " 
"Did too ! " 
"DID NOT ! " 

Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.  

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom
and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children,
what makes you think it would be
a piece of cake for you  ? 

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT! 

1. You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward
for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why
some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact,
they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn't have said

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties
is to remind yourself that there are children
more awful than your own

6. We child proofed our homes,
but they are still getting in. 


ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your
nursing home one day  

AND FINALLY:  

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: 

"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN"  AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!! 


Thanks Erin for the cute email!  

Chuckle of the Day! TGIF!!

 Click to make larger.

TGIF everyone!  Hope you have a GREAT weekend!  We will be playing softball.  Any fun plans?

Funny of the Day

This one made me chuckle:

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking At herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday. "I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, etc; everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy M&M,s! What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big Smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed "I meant my dress size”

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

Tell me you didn't laugh?? LOL!

Happy Thursday everyone!!!!

Amy

Moms ROCK!

I got an email this morning with "mom postcard." Here are two that I liked.




Ain't dat da troof.

Happy Thursday!!

Amy

Funny of the Day

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly,her husband burst into the kitchen.

'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh!

You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh!

WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!

Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?

Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!

The wife stared at him. What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

Computers....Him or Her????

Thought this was sooooo funny! Thanks Debbie! :)

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for i t.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won. Are you surprised by that?? LOL!